My Daughter Married a Doctor! How about yours?

There's this really weird thing in cultures like my own where you have to marry another brown boy who is one of three professions: doctor, lawyer, or engineer. If you don't, you are basically a failure and then rumors go around and then you probably shouldn't show your face at those parties anymore because nobody wants you there anymore... Now, my parents haven't really pushed this on me considering the fact that I am a third generation immigrant, but other extended family members and other neighbors might not like it if I deviated from the norm. The thing is, I completely get why they want this for me; I'd probably have a steady income and if my husband is making enough money, I could focus on taking care of the kids (that are other showcases of success) and just sit there and look pretty. But the truth is that this is not the lifestyle I want. Growing up, I was always a very independent person, and that quality is something I wish to maintain in adulthood. I don't want to have to rely on my partner's income, and if that means I have to be the breadwinner, I'm completely okay with that. 

Maybe I was forced to have this mindset. Neither of my grandmothers completed college, and my own mother quit her education so that she could raise me. When she moved to the US, none of her college credits transferred, so she needed to complete those before she could get a job. But then, she got pregnant with me and couldn't finish. Fast-forward 16 years later, she was finally able to complete her education and get her dental hygiene license last year. She always told me to focus on my education so that I don't end up like her, and I agree. She is not someone I want to be like. I want to be better.

And kids? I would never want them. Sure, the traumas of pregnancy are ones I never want to go through, but I also just don't like kids. I don't have any siblings, which meant that I spent much of my early years surrounded by adults. Babies just don't hold that level of intellect that I hope to seek in others. People try showing me "cute" photos and videos of babies, but as I look at them, I feel nothing. Maybe I'm just a really apathetic person, but at least I'm willing to admit that motherhood is not something I'm cut out for. They say hurt people hurt people, and my biggest fear is projecting my own trauma onto others, let alone my own kids, like my parents did to me, as theirs did to them. If I ever do end up changing my mind, adoption is always something I would be willing to do.

As I write this, I've come to the realization that these other brown first generation immigrants want their girls to marry doctors and engineers not just because of the money. In truth, it's all about the bragging rights that come along with it. They all love comparing their kids to other people to make themselves feel like they did a good job parenting. What they don't know is that most of the time these girls end up unhappy and resenting their families for it (because why would arranged marriages ever be a good idea). If people get mad that I am going to break the stereotype of the traditional brown wife, so be it. It's not like I'm their failure.